From The Desk Of Darlene J. Harris


The following article was published mid 2012 by Pastor Brian Bailey.  It is truly my pleasure to publish this article again.  I hope you enjoy the information he is sharing.


Darlene J. Harris

Slow Cooked Courtship


Brian L. Bailey

Assistant Pastor

Rebirth Community Missionary Baptist Church

Compton, CA


Brian L. Bailey is a God fearing young man who ministers to the youth and young adults of Rebirth Community Missionary Baptist Church where he also serves as choir director and assistant minister. Brian is a California native who has always had a heart for people especially young adults. Minister Bailey attended California State University, Long Beach where he studied Ancient African History and Medieval European History. Bro. Bailey manages an enhanced learning program in Southern California where his compassion for children is put to its best use. He is currently developing a book entitled Ravings of a Gentleman: Living in a World Where Chivalry is Lunacy.



As summer winds down, I found myself thinking about all the cookouts and BBQs I frequented and how I’ll spend all of this fall trying to work it off. As I became a connoisseur of fine grilled foods and sides, I began to distinguish the difference between those meals that took deep preparation and those straight from the can to the pan. There’s no denying the superiority of a marinated meat slow cooked to perfection over a microwaved frozen dinner with all the preservatives and none of the taste. In my analysis of interaction between the genders I have come to compare courtship to that painstaking, fulfilling process of that slow cooked meal. Moreover, to the contrary I see the perversion of such proper courtship as a microwave dinner.

Proper courtship and a good meal both take thorough preparation. A young man or woman will not become a gentleman or a lady overnight. Nor will it be simple to change immature habits that have been taught from an early age. The recipe for a gentleman or a young lady begins with a concept of God’s love in their lives. The earlier they are shown divine, unconditional love through parents, family, mentors and the like, the sooner they can properly pursue the love of another. Within that concept of God’s love is the love for their fellow man. More specifically, it is the respect and decency we are to show one another in this life. Mix that with open communication about the challenges of courtship including young heartbreak, sweet words with bad intentions, each one is not the one, and such. This will prepare this young soul to engage a love interest in a healthy manner that won’t lead to obsession, depression, or destructive behavior.

If you try to take a roast out of the slow cooker before its time, you’re bound to ruin it. Such is the case with young people and courtship. We must let them develop at a safe pace. When you have the right ingredients in there, you can leave that roast to cook for hours and only have to check it occasionally. With young people, we must implant the wisdom, love, guidance, and support then let them develop. They will make mistakes but those ingredients will kick in and enhance the spice of their life. And feel free to add any of those ingredients listed as often as necessary.

The payoff of a well prepared, slow cooked meal is not just the smell of good food or the physical presentation but the satisfaction it gives all those who taste of its goodness. Most of us love to see real love unfold and that’s the gift you can give by choosing to participate in proper courtship. Take your time and get to know someone. Go out to diverse environments and have a variety of respectable, fun experiences together. All those who watch you from your first date on will be better simply by witnessing the experience. Even if the two of you don’t end up as man and wife, if you followed proper courtship and took it slowly, you will be able to depart in a civil manner having learned from this person more than one valuable lesson in life. But if you choose microwave loving and set out to find the immediate taste through impulsive sex, deceitful presentation of one’s true self, sweet talking, and the like you are bound for an unhealthy life with very little satisfaction. So cook slow and enjoy life my friends.


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