From The Desk Of Darlene J. Harris – “Heal Yourself and Break the Cycle of Violence” by Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard

Greetings everyone!

Today we publish the last in a series of articles written by Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard.  Dr. Bouchard allowed And He Restoreth My Soul Project to publish articles currently found on his website  about healing from childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence.

Series of Articles:

  • “Its Never Too Late to Help Yourself Heal from Childhood Sexual Abuse”
  • “Domestic Violence Hurts Everybody”

And today the article is a letter to the editor of Newspapers Island Wide in Hawai’i dated October 22, 2012 “Heal Yourself and Break the Cycle of Violence.”  This letter is a response to comments voiced on the article “Domestic Violence Hurts Everybody.”

Our hope is that the information shared on And He Restoreth My Soul Project continues encouraged, educated, and enlighten.


Darlene J. Harris, Servant

“Domestic Violence Hurts Everybody”

Dear Friends,

In my October 1st letter to the editor, I discussed the need for our community to step up and take action that helps to end the domestic terrorism happening inside our neighbor’s homes. I also spoke of the necessity for legally mandating treatment for domestic abusers. Several responses in both agreement and disagreement have since been voiced prompting me now to elaborate further.

Years of research have shown that only through professional treatment—and a lifetime in compliance with non-violent principles—do abusers and those s/he abuses stand any chance of breaking free from the cycle of violence. The goal of anger management and abuser treatment is twofold: to stop the violence and whenever possible, preserve the family. Everyone has a right to live in their home without fear for their safety or well-being. Only when an abuser completely abandons the faulty thinking, selfishness, and inexcusable use of force, power, and control behind their actions is it possible for a family to live together in a healthy environment.

In its place, abusers must adopt and practice a non-violent mindset that adheres to zero tolerance for abusive acts of any kind. Over the course of their daily lives, abusers must exercise persistent and consistent self-directed impulse control and behavior modification. Change is attainable, however, it is only possible when an abuser sincerely wants to change and makes every effort to heal their abusive behavior.

Abuse is often generational, yet the cycle can and must be broken. I know what I’m talking about. As a victim of generational family violence as a youth, and later as a young man starting to perpetrate it myself, I was able to recognize I had a problem and sought professional help to overcome it. Over the years, my own healing journey would ultimately lead me to become a counseling psychologist specializing in behavior change. Ever since, I have helped thousands of others to break the cycle of violence and live non-violently, just as I have now been happily doing in my own life for well over 25 years. Anyone can—and everyone must—learn to live non-violently for their own and their family’s sake. You just have to want to change badly enough to get the help you need to do it.

Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard
Hilo, Hawai’i

Aloha Sexual Health & Happiness, LLC
PO Box 9, Pahoa, HI 96778
phone: 808.965.8800

Letter to the Editor
Sent to Newspapers Island Wide in Hawai’i

October 22, 2012