From The Desk Of Darlene J. Harris – Teach Your Child Body Safety-Part One

Teach your child about body boundaries and personal space. Use the idea of a ‘bubble’ around them and refer to this as their own personal space. Read ‘No Means No!’ and use the Discussion Questions to talk about consent and respecting each other’s personal space. Go towww.somesecrets.info for more information.

Teach your child that their penis, vagina, bottom (buttocks), breasts and nipples are called their ‘private parts’ and that these are their body parts that go under their swimsuit. Note: a child’s mouth is also known as a ‘private zone’.

Teach your child that no-one has the right to touch or ask to see their private parts; and if someone does, they must tell you or a trusted adult straightaway. Reinforce that they must keep on telling until they are believed. Statistics tell us that a child will need to tell three people before they are believed. As your child becomes older (3+) help them to identify five people they could tell. These people are part of their ‘Safety Network’. Note: one person should not be a family member.

Teach your child that if someone (i.e. the perpetrator) shows them images of private parts, asks them to touch their own private parts and/or shows their private parts to the child that this is wrong also, and that they must tell a trusted adult straightaway. Reinforce that they must keep on telling until they are believed.

At the same time as you are discussing inappropriate touch, talk about feelings. Discuss what it feels like to be happy, sad, angry, excited, etc. Encourage your child in daily activities to talk about their feelings, e.g. “I felt really sad when … pushed me over.” This way your child will be more able to verbalize how they are feeling if someone does touch them inappropriately.

Talk with your child about feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. Discuss times when your child might feel ‘unsafe’, e.g. being pushed down a steep slide; or ‘safe’, e.g. snuggled up on the couch reading a book with you. Children need to understand the different emotions that come with feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. For example, when feeling ‘safe’, they may feel happy and have a warm feeling inside; when feeling ‘unsafe’ they may feel scared and have a sick feeling in their tummy.

Discuss with your child their ‘Early Warning Signs’ when feeling unsafe, i.e. heart racing, feeling sick in the tummy, sweaty palms, feeling like crying. Let them come up with some ideas of their own. Tell your child that they must tell you if any of their ‘Early Warning Signs’ happen in any situation. Reinforce that you will always believe them and that they can tell you anything. You will find and Early Warning Signs poster atwww.somesecrets.info/posters/ 

As your child grows, try as much as possible to discourage the keeping of secrets. (Perpetrators rely heavily on children keeping secrets.) Talk about happy surprises such as not telling Grandma about her surprise birthday party and ‘bad’ secrets such as someone touching your private parts. Make sure your child knows that if someone does ask them to keep an inappropriate secret that they must tell you or someone in their ‘Safety Network’ straightaway.

Discuss with your child when it is appropriate for someone to touch their private parts, e.g. a doctor when they are sick (but making sure they know you must be in the room). Discuss with your child that if someone does touch their private parts (without you there) that they have the right to say: ‘No!’ or ‘Stop!’ and outstretch their arm and hand. Children (from a very young age) need to know their body is their body and no-one has the right to touch it inappropriately.

Read your child ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’ on a monthly to bi-monthly basis when your child is young. The book can be read and reread to children 3 to 12 years. It is also ideal to read before camps, sleepovers, etc. Go to www.somesecrets.info for more information.Also teach your child ‘The Body Safety Song’ at http://somesecrets.info/body-safety-song/ and download free Body Safety posters for display atwww.somesecrets.info/posters/.

Jayneen (aka Jay Dale) is an experienced teacher, editor, author, publisher, and most importantly a mother of three daughters and an advocate for sexual abuse prevention education (Body Safety Education) in homes and schools. Jay has written a number of books to empower children and to give them a voice including: Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept, No Means No!, Pearl Fairweather Pirate Captain and a information guide for parents and teachers entitled Body Safety Education. Jay works passionately and with ongoing commitment to ensure children are taught age-appropriate  sexual abuse prevention education.