My heart was shattered when the arrows of pain and betrayal hit. Was yours?
And then someone says, “your story deserves honor.” And after that, I felt better.
Most of our stories are not pretty. My story was ugly so why would someone say honor that story?
Let me share more information with you about my arrows of hurt and betrayal and the actions I took to honor my story.
The Arrows of Betrayal and Pain:
I had bonding issues with a mother who continually left me. I was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend.
Emotions and Feelings Attached to the Arrows:
Shame, hate, bitterness, resentment, guilt, and revenge.
I never thought honoring my ugly story was possible. Here are the reasons that helped me honor my story. I invite you to also consider them. Your process might be different, but the following characteristics will help you honor your story.
- Your identity may not have been lost, but it may have been dramatically changed.
- Because of the arrows of hurt shattered our hearts. We may have disowned part of who we are leaving it behind.
- We may have only kept the part we could salvage saying “this is the good part of me.”
- We live behind a mask, believing people would not like me if they knew who I really am.
- The life we had is lost. And now we may feel we have to settle for what life hands us.
Relationships are often driven by the battle or battles we didn’t win.
- The freedom we had before the hurt or betrayal is limited because we need to feel safe.
- The ability to discern good and bad may become challenging because our ability to trust
Loss of Heart
Prior to the arrows of hurt or betrayal, your heart may have been open to adventure and exploring, but now it may be closed and living with hate, anger resentment, bitterness, shame, guilt and lack of love. These are the enemies of your heart and spirit. These enemies can cause your hearts to pour out hurt, revenge, and anger. Injured hearts spill over into your life and into relationships and can be destructive. There within lies the decision we must make; who will we serve, who will we live with? For me, I didn’t want to serve or live with the enemies of my heart any longer. But the decision is yours.
Walking through and gathering the shattered pieces of your story does not come without pain. However, to honor your story, you [the main character within the story] it is a necessary and worthy walk.
I was too busy bargaining with God to grieve my loss. Matter of fact, the thought of mourning or grieving for me never crossed my mind.
It wasn’t until I was walking through the shattered pieces of my heart that I learn I had never grieved for me or what I had lost. I had both professional and nonprofessional support, which was a wise decision. Allow someone to witness your walk and offer a different perspective to your situations. Invite accountability into your walk. Having someone to fight through the rough areas with and someone to cry with you will help validate what you feel and think. I want you to remember gathering fragments of a shattered heart are like gathering fragments of a broken mirror. As you gather each mirror fragment, you see only parts of you. However, as the fragments come together, you see you a whole person who God is molding us for His use. And you find that Romans 8:28 it is true and is proven in your life.
Scriptures I found to be helpful
Psalm 91 is the Psalm of Protection. It is a Psalm that is commonly invoked in times of hardship. It is also a Psalm used in war times.
I love the follow portion of this Psalm when God takes over because He honors us.
Psalm 91 (KJV) 14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high because he hath known my name. 15He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.
And Psalm 23 (KJV) 1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
There is one more Psalm I found to be helpful Psalm 139(KJV) 1 O lord, thou hast searched me and known me. I am not including the entire Psalm but once you read it you may find it helpful to you as well.
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