For the next few months And He Restoreth My Soul Project will post several articles about male sexual abuse and its impact. We received permission to re-post articles published by Cecil Murphy on his website Shattering the Silence. For more information about Mr. Muephy please see I’m a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Assault by Cecil Murphey posted October 14, 2016.
Mr. Murphey is well known as an author, teacher, mentor, minister, and for his work with males who have been victimized sexually. Cecil’s story will give clarity to the impact on men who have been assaulted sexually. He also offers information about how we can help during the healing process.
Darlene J. Harris, Servant
Permission to use:
Veteran author Cecil (Cec) Murphey hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now he helps others in pain through his candid interviews, seminars, blog for male survivors (www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com) and his books When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman’s Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation and Not Quite Healed: 40 Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Another book, More than Surviving, will release in early 2017. (www.cecilmurphey.com)
About Cecil Murphey
For most of us, sexual abuse wasn’t a one-time event. And yet, the number of times is not the determining factor. Once we’re assaulted—and it can be verbal or physical—the results are similar. As I look back, the physical and verbal abuse might have been even more profound than the sexual.
A major loss is lack of appropriate trust. We read mostly about those who can’t trust anyone. But some of us remained susceptible, almost as if we’re saying, “Take advantage of me.”
Most of the time, naiveté described me. Even today as an adult, people occasionally castigate me for trusting others and call me too trusting. For a long time, my response was, “I can’t help it.”
And for many, many years I couldn’t. I’ve had to work quite hard at questioning the motivations and intentions of others. The other extreme (and more common response) is assuming everyone wants to exploit or hurt us.
One of my survivor-friends said, “I tend to believe everyone until they fail or let me down in some way.” He went on to say that one failure and he’s unable to trust them again. Once hurt, he can’t forget what they’ve done.
Those are all consequences of our stolen and broken childhoods.
I’ll pass on something that helped me. When I have any strong sense of faith or doubt about anyone, I try to wait until I can get alone and process it. What was going on inside me, I ask myself, that I had that reaction? Was it my self-protective inner wisdom? Was it the old pattern of willing to be exploited?
Not that an answer pops up immediately, because it rarely does. Instead, the tendency is for me to quote a famous line from the 1943 film, Casablanca, “Round up the usual suspects.”
When I discern that I’m doing that, I try to get with one of my friends to help me discern the truth.