Every now and again I hear a word or phrase that triggers me for some reason. The other night in a playful mood my wife said something about me deciding to attack her or not. Don’t really remember the whole thing but that word attack hit me cold.
I’ve been attacked. I don’t remember ever attacking anyone else. I was always pretty sensitive to whether someone was “interested” or not, and if not then nothing happened.
I don’t want to attack anyone. I want everything to be mutual and feel good. I’m not into pain at all. Been there, done that, applied the ointment.
Words, a song, even someone just looking at me in a certain way can stir emotions spontaneously. I guess this is normal. I don’t know.
I do know it’s annoying and sometimes disruptive. I’m trying to desensitize myself by examining and being mindful of what’s going on when that occurs. I don’t want to be so sensitive that I miss out on good moments by having something ugly pop up all the time and throw me for an emotional loop.
Permission to use by Roger Mann. This article was originally posted by Cecil Murphey on the blog for male survivors (www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com).
Posted in: Darlene Speaking From the Heart, Male Sexual Abuse, Resources