Forgiveness Scenarios

Biography of Dr. Joyce Marie Kelley, DOM

Dr. Joyce Marie Kelley is an author, motivational speaker and minister who loves the Word of God and all that it has to offer.  She has been on God’s team for a long time. She is a faithful member of Greater Open Door Worldwide Ministries of Long Beach, CA.  As a young child, Dr. Kelley accepted Christ as her personal savior. Dr. Kelley, fondly known as “Dr. J” has a heart and passion for helping others.  She gives unselfishly of herself in the pursuit of sharing the healing power of forgiveness.

Dr. Kelley holds an Associate Degree in General Studies.  A Bachelor’s Degree and Master’s Degree in Biblical Studies and a Doctor of Ministry Degree.  She returned to school and earned a second Master’s Degree in Theology. On July 8th, 2016 Dr. Kelley was Ordained as a Licensed Elder/Minister.  Dr. Kelley recently earned a second doctorate degree in Theology.  She is the CEO/Founder of “Exalted Consulting”; a ministry sharing the power of forgiveness through seminars and workshops.  Dr. Kelley is the CEO/Founder of “Hip Hop Step Inc.”, a ministry to transform walking apparatus for those in need at no cost to the recipient.  She is the CEO/Founder of “3G Custom Gift Baskets. Her philosophy is that “One should always practice Acts of Random Kindness” (ARK’s).

Dr. Kelley is a child of the most high God, and resides in Southern CA, with her husband.  “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. “ (Matthew 19:26b, KJV.)  

Joyce can be reached through email:  ExaltedConsulting7@gmail.com

Forgiveness Scenarios

Forgive – to excuse for a fault or offense, to pardon, to renounce anger or resentment against.

As presented by ….. Dr. Joyce M. Kelley

QUESTION: If I forgive a person, do I stay in an abusive situation?

Case Study – Male; Attorney – 48. “Michael – not actual name”

“Forgiveness has been an issue for me quite a long time”. I fell in love with what I thought was an angel. After a few years of marriage, I discovered she was the spawn of Satan. She was verbally and emotionally abusive. I could never do anything right if I said good morning that was wrong. I found out recently that she has been cheating on me. At first, I thought to myself, “Maybe she just overspent and forgot to balance her account.” Nope, the truth came out when she got seriously ill and had surgery. I was with her day and night at the hospital. When she was discharged I took off three weeks from work to care for her. The second day home she was asking for her cell phone. I figured she wanted to check for business calls as she was a realtor. No, she wanted to check to see if her man had called. Apparently, he was unaware that she had been in the hospital. He had called her thirteen times and left several messages. When I asked her, “Who she was talking to at one am,” she got an attitude with me. I guess he was asking her for money and she was trying to figure out how to get it to him. WOW! Here I am cooking, bathing her, dressing her, helping her to recover and she is on the phone in the middle of the night talking to her man. My wife is paying his cell phone bill, his car payment, you name it. Right at this moment, I am asking myself,“ Why isn’t he here taking care of her, and listening to her constant abuse?” I know that I must forgive her, but once I have forgiven her I will not remain in this abusive situation. As soon as she is able to take care of herself, I am moving out and filing for divorce. I would be nuts to stay in this mess.

Response: Michael has suffered both verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of his wife. He has a healthy relationship with God and knows that he must forgive his wife. However, even though he forgives her, he does not have to remain in that abusive relationship. Michael must protect himself mentally, and emotionally and remove himself from this toxic environment. You do not have to remain in an abusive situation after you forgive someone. Heal yourself by moving on and getting on with your life. You deserve so much better.

Side note: Because of Michael’s relationship with God he was able to forgive. That same relationship equipped him with the strength and knowledge to know it was time for him to free himself from the abusive atmosphere. “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26b KJV.

Case study provided through personal interview with Dr. J. Kelley.

Question: When I forgive, am I condoning sin?

Case Study – Female; Student – 23. “Janice – not actual name”

Janice is a postgraduate student working towards a medical degree. She is an A student but her boyfriend is quite the opposite. While they attend the same school, he is barely passing his classes. The more Janice achieves the angrier her boyfriend becomes. He has begun taking out his failure on her and is physically abusing her. An average of three mornings Janice must apply heavy makeup to cover the bruises. When her friends ask her, “What happened?” She replies,“ I ran into a door, or I fell down the stairs.” Recently Janice went to visit her parents for the Thanksgiving holiday. Her father noticed the bruises on her arm and questioned her about them. Janice gave her usual response that she had fallen down the stairs. Her father confronted her and she confessed. But in her confession, she defended the boyfriend. Janice told her parents that, “He did not mean to hit her, that she made him upset, that it was her fault.” Janice went on to say that,” He promised not to do it again.” Christmas vacation came and Janice again went home for the holidays. This time there were more bruises and Janice had a broken arm. Once more she gave the same excuses and defended the boyfriend. Her parents had enough and reported the boyfriend for abuse. He was arrested, charges were filed and he went to jail. Janice forgave her boyfriend and continued her studies. She will be graduating in the spring with her medical degree and as Valedictorian. Janice has started a support group for college students that are victims of abuse.

Response: Janice may have forgiven her boyfriend, but she condoned his abusive behavior. Abuse is a sin, Janice condoned it. How you may ask? Every time she was asked about the bruises, she condoned the sin by taking the blame for the boyfriend’s abuse (it was my fault, he didn’t mean to do it, and the classic…. he promised to never do it again) this is condoning the sin. Never give an abuser power by condoning/agreeing with their abuse/sin. Give the power to yourself, keep the power, as you are powerful.

Side Note: Janice needs to seek God’s forgiveness in condoning her boyfriends’ abuse. Janice should also ask God to empower her with the strength she needs to move past this situation.  She will need to rely upon God to get her to a greater level of confidence in herself; to know that she can endure, complete her studies, and move on with her life. “Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world”. 1 John 4:4 KJV.

Case study provided through personal interview with Dr. J. Kelley.

Question: How do you forgive someone that will never change?

Case Study – Male; FedEx Driver – 28 “Charles – not actual name”

Charles is an active positive individual. He has had forgiveness issues in the past. His issues were with his biological father. According to Charles,“ He was never around or did anything for me when I was a kid.” He would call my mother and say,“ He was coming to get me, to spend time with me,” but never show up. I would wait all night for him to show. Then he would call and, “Say something came up.” Over and over. Now all of a sudden, he wants me to call him dad, and spend time with him. I just can’t do it. My stepfather has been in my life all of my life. He is MY dad, I call him dad because he is my dad. He would do anything in the world for me, and he has. But he gave me the best gift ever, he gave me his last name. He was my dad when my biological didn’t bother. How do you forgive someone that will never change? My dad told me I had to forgive my biological father, in spite of the fact that he may never change. He also told me that the forgiveness was for me and not for my biological father. That made a lot of sense to me, so I forgave him. He is still playing the same game, “Let’s have dinner and never shows.” I am good as I know I have forgiven him, and I have moved on. Tonight, I am having dinner with MY DAD.

Response: You can forgive someone that will never change because the forgiveness is for you not for them. If you spend your time or your life in an unforgiving state you are robbing yourself. You are making yourself a prisoner.

Free yourself, forgive them even though you know they may never change. Remember, it is for you, not them.

Side Note: Charles faced disappointment, trust issues and a lot of anger, not to mention resentment.  While Charles had a solid support system in his adoptive dad, someone else may not have access to a solid support system. However; if there is no earthly support system you always have a heavenly support system. Go to God and ask him to help you.  Your heavenly father is there and will always be there for you in any situation that you may face. He created you, he loves you and will be there when you need him, and you will need him. “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”. Deuteronomy 31:8. NLT.

Case study provided through personal interview with Dr. J. Kelley.

Copyright owned by author Dr. J.M. Kelley 9-23-18