My name is Pamela Jean Robinson, I was born in Topeka, Kansas, at Forbes Air Force base. I am the youngest of seven siblings.
I came from a loving home where my parents embedded strong Christian principles at an early age.
When I was six months old, one of my oldest sisters’s saved my life from a house fire.
When I was four years old, like most children, I was lively, energetic, and talkative. I obeyed my parents and to be able to balance on one foot was a big deal to me.
To feed a family of nine and demanding jobs, my parents turn to a trusted babysitter who later abused me. This is the beginning of a life filled with anxiety, fear, and brokenness.
A Life filled with loss
A year after my High School graduation is when loss seems to become part of my young life.
- 1987, my sister, Carla, went home to be with the Lord. She had lost a long battle to Lupus, a rare blood disease.
- April 1988, my father, Skip, passed away due to cancer.
- February 1991, my sister, Lisa, passed away. She was the victim of domestic violence from an abusive boyfriend.
- February 1996, my brother, Billy, lost his life in a home fire. The fire was due to bad choices of associates.
- April 1998, my grandfather, Aubrey, went home to be with the Lord.
- July 2011, my oldest sister, Sherry, passed due to cancer.
The aftermath of loss
I came with a realization that life can be a dark place sometimes and loss comes with its own set of overwhelmingness.
I became distant, withdrawn, angry, bitter, and sad. I began a cycle of self-abuse with drugs and alcohol.
I was functional and always had a good job and a nice car, but I wasn’t coming out from behind my mask for nobody.
I was drowning, and I needed a way to cope with the darkness that was oh so consuming. And the drugs and alcohol gave me what I thought was my escape. But in reality, I had stepped off course and taken my eyes off Jesus.
I became a broken girl who lost all hope and enthusiasm for life because of LOSS, overwhelming LOSS.
Facing the consequences
Lost in darkness, the ways of the world became my hiding place. I was living life in a world I knew nothing about and yet, “I” thought life was good and no one could tell me different.
Event after event, loss after loss, I realized something had to change. Somehow I needed to find my way out of this all-consuming darkness.
My chosen coping skills came with grave consequences. Even though I may have forgotten God, He hadn’t forgotten me. He called my attention to Jeremiah 29:11. But to enjoy the fruit of this verse, my thinking had to change. I could see my brokenness now, not as a punishment but as a correction. That was huge for me!
My eyes stayed fixed on Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
My change came when I begin to realize.
I needed to rebuild my confidence in God and myself.
I had to press through on faith with an optimistic mindset. I’m not saying this lightly, it wasn’t easy, in fact, there were many challenges. I still had to pay the piper for all my wrongdoings.
My actions landed me in the county jail and River City Correction Center. It was there I started reading a lot about faith and hope.
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
I BELIEVED IT and still do!
Overcoming my fear of traveling back into my broken places to pull out my story was gut-wrenching. Writing and sharing allowed me to draw from a dry and barren well of emotions and buried truths.
If there is one thing that I know to be true, it is that God can make even our darkest memories into stories of hope to achieve a more colorful life.
Thank you for allowing me to share the stepped over broken pieces of my past.
Today, Pamela Jean Robinson is an Evangelist. A member of Word Alive Christian Fellowship Church in Cincinnati, Ohio. Under the loving leadership of Drs. Alexander and Jean McEntire. She serves as a member of the sound ministry.
Pam traveled on healing missions with Marilyn Hickey, Christian Ministries. These travels took her to cities located in South Africa.
Robinson extends missionary services in Juarez Mexico and Haiti.
Pam started serving as an outreach leader through the Northstar Church in 2011.
Per Ms. Pamela Jean Robinson:
“Ironically, it was Broken Hope and a shattered image that restored my soul.”