My friend Gary Roe sent me a copy of his book Heartbroken: Losing a Spouse. Much of what he writes applies to healing from abuse as well as from the loss of a spouse.
One sentence stayed with me long after reading:
“As we allow ourselves to feel the pain, our hearts will begin to heal.”
Wonderful words, but the problem comes for many with the statement, “allow ourselves to feel the pain.” That’s what many won’t or can’t do.
“It hurts too much,” is a common response.
Of course, it’s painful and traumatic. If it didn’t hurt, the healing would have taken place long ago.
Instead of facing the situations, too many medicate themselves so they can run from their past—and it’s not a conscious choice. It’s our individual way of coping. Some resort to drugs, others by cutting off their emotions. My medication was busyness. For years, I was a driven man but had no awareness of it. “That’s just the way I am,” I often said.
Gradually, I learned to stop running (which is what my busyness was accomplishing). I wrote gradually because that’s probably the best expression I know.
After I became aware, I decided to do something about coping with my drivenness. I read everything I could on how to live in the present and slow down. Taking time to read, in itself, was part of my slowing down. Yet slowing down was painful because I had time to think. And to feel. But I stayed with it and I’m making progress.
The struggle to run from my pain was useless. I couldn’t outrun my childhood trauma But I could face it.
And I have!
Veteran author Cecil (Cec) Murphey hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now he helps others in pain through his candid interviews, seminars, and blog for male survivors.
Tuesday, December 5, 2017 Permission to use: Veteran author Cecil (Cec) Murphey hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now he helps others in pain through his candid interviews, seminars, a blog for male survivors (www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com), and his books When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman’s Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation and Not Quite Healed: 40 Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Another book, More than Surviving, will release in early 2017. (www.cecilmurphey.com)
Posted in: Finding Hope In Trauma