Holding Angela

Hello, I’m Angela, Alexia, Sascha, Beatricè, Angie and there are more of us. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as (multiple personalities) or D.I.D for short.

We are a system; we are what makes Angela the strong, courageous, amazingly incredible person you are about to meet.

I’m a mother, partner, friend, fighter, victim, and most importantly, a survivor. No matter what life throws at me, I fall and get back up. Currently, I am not allowed to be in charge of my system. Co-consciously I’m writing this with Alexia. Recently Angela was held at knifepoint and robbed. This is why Alexia is currently in charge of keeping me alive. She has allocated herself jobs including waking me, dressing, bathing, feeding, and helping me throughout my day. It’s not always like this and after a lot of trauma, I need to step back and allow Alexia the rights to my body so I can rebuild, re-evaluate and recharge my mind.

Angela has been raped over 15 times from as young as 3 years old, up until the last time at 28 years old.

Her abusers have been family, friends, and ex-boyfriends. To Angela, rape felt normal. After her mother hid her first rape as a baby she thought it was ok.

In 2012 Angela was told by two of her children that her brother had raped them. This was the day life changed forever. She ran, and took her babies to safety, and had her brother charged. Homeless, with no family, loss of trust, she isolated herself and cut herself from the world. The most important thing was that her children were safe. And it took 5 years to finally go to court.

The court case was like a circus. All focused on Angela. This I blame on her father; Angela knew her children would never get a fair trial. No one ever beat her dad in court. And her dad did everything in his power to keep Angela’s brother from going to jail. To Angela, not guilty was no surprise. In her heart, we had already won regardless of the jurors’ decision. Her children were safe and no one would ever harm them again.

In life, I have learnt that you can never beat the devil. And I believe Karma is coming back to all those who tried to hurt us. My children are all doing fantastic, they did counseling and I got them all the help they needed. My eldest is 19 and at University, My second child just turned 18 and working full time. As for my youngest son, who may not have been raped he was still part of our journey and he’s in year 11 in high school. Their all doing incredibly well. They are my heroes, my strength, my air.

Angela is doing ok. She is studying Criminology, Criminal Justice, and Forensic Psychology. Life isn’t always perfect or normal. I believe it’s being able to look forward, I forgive all our abusers in my heart, but I will never forgive them to their face. One day I will help people like myself, and I hope they find the peace they deserve. No matter how you choose to live. For me, I have many alters, my children, a handful of friends, and a man that loves me more than I deserve.

If you fall, it’s ok! If you feel alone, it’s ok! You will blame yourself, that’s Not ok! Rape is not ok. And it’s not your fault. You’re a survivor and, to someone, a hero.

©Angela, Alexia, Sascha, Beatricè, Angie, and there are more of us