Desirae Holdaway

Desirae’s new life began in 2013 when she decided to give up her life and follow Jesus. During this time she quit her job, sold almost everything, and went on a one-year missions trip to spread the gospel and have her heart radically changed. Upon returning home, she put herself in ministry school and started serving in various ministries including youth ministry, young adult ministry, and worship leading. Upon graduation in 2018 she took a job with a startup non-profit and is now working for an organization whose heart is to help eradicate child sex trafficking. She currently resides in San Diego, CA and can be found leading worship in church on Sundays and going on hikes when time allows. Her dream is to continue impacting the next generation and to see Jesus change others’ lives in the same way He has changed hers.

I AM the Painting on the Wall

There is a painting that hangs on the wall of the kitchen in the GRACE house. Like many paintings, it tells a story. This morning as I sat on the bar stool, drinking my hot lemon water and staring at it, I felt the whisper and inspiration of the Holy Spirit upon me. You see, like me, this painting is quite a mess. When you first look at it, it doesn’t quite make sense. There are blotches of old paint taken from dried up bottles in one corner, and splashes of color that seem to collide in a way that leaves you questioning if it was really done on purpose or on the whim of a split second decision. When I was first shown the painting I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Our founder, Leah, told me that this painting was once something completely different, that underneath those layers of paint is an entirely different painting, and that words of scripture and the Bible were woven into it. However, as artists tend to do, this artist decided to keep going and adding to it until it became something entirely new and different.

And as I sat there, thinking about this and drinking my lemon water I realized that I AM the painting on the wall. I once looked completely different than I do today, and am currently in the process of becoming new. I have layers and shapes, some that do not make sense, and old things that have been recycled and re-used to add texture and curvature to my life. In His mercy He is using it all; even the old and the ugly stuff, to make something beautiful out of me. And like this painting, I have the word hidden inside screaming to get out and come to the surface, but often the Word gets covered up by layers of fresh paint, also known as the disguises and distractions of this life. Yet the Word remains hidden in my heart, adding definition and character, no matter how many things try to come and cover it up. And while I may not make sense to everyone who gazes upon me, if you look closely you will catch some of the beauty, and maybe even get to hear the story of how I came to be. So yes, I have concluded that this painting is beautiful and that I AM the painting on the wall.